m.e.h Talks Lolla, Creating Coup de Grâce, and Vulnerability
Photography by Kayla “Swiper” Delson
m.e.h is a true songstress. With a voice that shakes a room, the magnetism of a star in the making, and a honeyed pen, she's quickly cementing herself as a voice to keep an ear on.
If you can call yourself lucky enough to have seen m.e.h live before, you’ve witnessed her belt out originals, classics and deep-cut covers that offer a glimpse into the music that moves the Maryland-born artist. Her love for performance has landed her on the stage at Lollapalooza’s Chicago Made Music Showcase, House of Blues, and a residency at Dorian’s this year and has led to her a moment that seems to be the beginning of something big.
m.e.h personifies living, breathing creativity. Inspired by some of the most creative minds (including Erykah Badu and David Bowie, to name just a couple), she expresses herself through more than just music. Her sparkling tooth gems, playful and layer-loving style, and passion for expression shape how she shows up, whether on a track, on stage, or in a FaceTime convo. A true Leo, she radiates an infectious positivity that, even on an annoying day, puts a smile on your face.
The Chicago-based singer’s music is as dynamic and explorative as she is. "What is a Valentine?," released in 2021, sold me on m.e.h. She can't help but bake herself and her essence into her work as the setting to a show-stopping voice that sends chills up your spine. I sat down in my makeshift home office and chatted with the star herself over Facetime as she sat in the corner of a cafe. A few minutes in, I was struck by her genuine spirit, which seamlessly manifested itself throughout our interview.
Read our conversation below for more on her growth as an artist, the vulnerability baked into her latest E.P., Coup de Grâce and more.
Thanks so much for making time to chat! Let’s start with Lolla because big congrats… How did that come about and how are you feeling?
Honestly, when I first got the news, it was like three months ago. So I was like, are you serious? Is this my own practical joke? Is this real? I literally screamed, I think I was at work. And I was like, no way, this is crazy. And then leading up to it, obviously I couldn't say anything about it until Lollapalooza themselves made the announcement.
And then when they made the announcement, I was like, oh, my God, that's crazy. That's so crazy. I didn't even realize that they were going to be posting me… so yeah, all in all, to say, it's been a whirlwind since then. Lots of preparation for it, as you can imagine. Pretty much just like finding someone to make a dress. I wanted to have it custom made and I’m always very much particular about what I'm wearing when I perform anyways.
I love the fact that you're very particular about what you wear when you perform. Has fashion always been a form of expression for you?
Yes. Fashion has been a huge part of my life. It’s one of those things that I've always felt that I can maneuver freely. And if I am having a hard time expressing exactly what I want to give across, I think it's really cool that you can do that in multiple mediums. Obviously, I try to do that in my music, but I think it's really cool to the experience you get when you come to see the band. It's not just about what I'm singing about. It's also just how I'm presenting myself because I care and I want people to feel like I do care. I put in the work because, it's not only for me, it's for people who are also ingesting what I do. I've been able to find myself through what I wear and through that, I think I've been able to even develop my style so much further through music.
I think one thing I personally love about you as an artist is how much you perform throughout the city. I feel like that's just one of my favorite parts about musicians, when you see them perform all over and in places that people might consider random. How did you get into that?
So the really crazy thing, when I was in college, I went to Columbia, I basically got scouted by this production agency […] and started in college just doing gigs, like four hours a night, 40 songs a night, and playing the piano and singing multiple times a week.
Basically, after college is when I felt like I was like, “Okay, well, let me try other venues and be able to perform at places I actually want to perform and the music that I actually want to be performing.” Then I started working with Karina and then basically as soon as we got together, she emailed every venue in the city and was like, here's my artist. Because I literally gave her a list. Like, we both just went through like venues in the city and got ghosted a lot at first, even by Dorian’s! I think also it's something to note through that time of not hearing from them, we were performing at every gig we could. It's been really cool to kind of have a band that has that same mindset and now things are starting to pick up in that way, but it's awesome to also see, like our humble beginnings, it's always going to be all about the music. And I'm happy that we started that way too, because I think that got us some more experience. Now, through that, it's crazy, I get recognized at my job like every day!
Now that it seems like you've entered like a new shift almost, which includes your new EP, Coup de Grâce.
Honestly, this wasn’t going to be an E.P originally. Matt and I both made these songs in like two separate instances. The really awesome part about it is that both songs symbolize a similar era in my life. “Thrill Is Gone” was the first one that we wrote, and it was literally about my past relationship, which it's honestly funny because I've recently come out as a lesbian. It's been really awesome […] but the “Thrill is Gone,” I feel like it kind of shows the parallel of that era of that relationship and also an era where I was honestly straight/bi-curious kind of vibes and that was the end of that relationship. It wasn't a great end to it and I feel like that song really helped me heal and experience with Matt, that same kind of universal feeling that people go through when it's like you realize that something isn't going to work anymore. You don't really know what it is, but you know that spark is gone. And then we ended up writing Release like a few months later, and it was like a really bad day for me. I was very much at the peak of my mental health crisis. I've always had ADHD throughout my whole life and I was medicated for a long time. But then I was diagnosed with anxiety and I was like, awesome, love that combo.
Sam—spicy combo!
Yes, it's the spiciest combo. But that day, I did not want to go to the session. And the cool thing is that Matt and I are actually like best friends in real life. I was very honest and transparent about how I was just not well, I was having back-to-back anxiety attacks. very paranoid that day and very much feeling like the world was coming down and I could not breathe. He was like, you know what? I really think that this would help. But he's like, I'm not even trying to be like, we should make music but genuinely saying you've been journaling, you've been doing this, you been doing that. Why don't you come and we see what happens? I was like, fine, I’ll do it and was definitely out of my comfort zone but I think we made one of the songs I'm most proud of today. And one of the songs that I feel like represents an area of my life that honestly comes and flows through my life. Even though I'm in a spot now where my mental health is so much better, I still have moments where I go back to that person who wrote that song and I know that so many people can relate to that because anxiety is just something that no matter what you do, it's still something that will be looming over your shoulder. I felt like release was kind of me spiraling, almost a breaking point with the relationship I had with myself.
And, you know, it was really hard writing that song. When I first listened to it back, I remember just crying really bad, just curled up in a ball because it feels like you're listening back to a journal entry. And that was something that my therapist actually told me. She was like, you should read it and I feel like that felt like that to me. And I was like, “Damn, this is crazy.” So. They both happened around the same time. I was still in that relationship with that person, and it's like at the end of it, you know? They kind of tried to use my mental health against me. So honestly, I feel like, you know, it was an era and that I ended up being like, okay, well, why don't I just make them an EP? Because they both fit in the same room and they're from the same time of my life and I think this is a good closing the chapter officially of that part of my life.
Do you feel any nervousness, releasing something that's so honest and vulnerable?
Yes, I feel like I definitely was nervous because I have been performing these songs here and there at different shows […] but “Release” still gets me every time I perform it. I think it's a very stripped down song where you have no choice but to really pay attention to what I'm saying. I just feel like with any type of release that is really intimate, like my first song —“What is a Valentine?”—I genuinely think when you're really letting people into the side that you might not share in any other circumstance, it's really hard, you know, and hoping that people will be open to sharing space with you and trusting yourself, that this is meant to come out, this is meant to happen and people will resonate with it. That’s been the hardest part but then the way that it was received when I would perform it and people were like, damn, this is something that I feel like I needed to say to myself […] yeah, shit sucks, but it'll get better. I keep always trying to repeat the mantra of things have to get really bad in order to get really good because sometimes it's really hard to believe that. I just want this song to really feel like you're not alone. Even when there may be people in your life that you can't confide in, or people in your life that you just feel like you're alone. At the end of the day, if you have yourself, you're never truly alone. This song is when I really started going to therapy as well. And honestly, I feel so happy that they're out. I feel like it's been received so well and people feel connected to it. And that's like, it's crazy because it literally started off as a journal entry.
I love the message so much and love artists putting it all on the track even when it’s not easy for you. Thank you for sharing your healing with us because like you said, it helps others in their journey. Do you have any inspirations you want to cite music-wise?
That's also something that just comes and goes and I go through so many different things that I'm inspired by. But right now, I say I'm still really inspired by Faye Webster. I saw her at Lolla and cried. I think her music inspires me a lot. I like her tongue-in-cheek way of writing, I feel like it's so easy to relate to that when it's like, wow, this person is almost poking fun at harsh realities that we're facing every day. That also includes people like Victoria Monet, I talk a lot about her all the time. Her and Chappell [Roan] have a very similar story/background that I don't think a lot of people really know and they both have been just working behind the scenes in the scene for like ten plus years. And they're finally getting recognition. I think that goes to show something too about just my career. Nothing comes overnight and I think you gotta work for that shit. It’s really cool to see artists who have been working for so long and thought that nothing was going to happen for them, and now they're some of the biggest artists in the world. It’s also cool that they're both women and one of them is a lesbian so it’s really cool to see that happen now, especially during a time where I feel like sometimes our industry is very saturated with a lot of similar things coming out so it's really cool to see people taking back certain genres and making them their own. That always inspires me because I feel like I never stay in one genre. I feel like a lot of people try to tell me like, “Oh, you gotta go for one genre” or “You got to stand in one.” People always ask me if I’m in an experimentation phase. I feel being a musician is an experience.
Do you have a fav song to sing live?
Honestly, “Thrill Is Gone” is one of my favorites. That’s such a fun one and the band loves to play it, which is kind of how I pick covers too, is like thinking about everyone in the band and who's going to have the most fun playing what? And then, I think another one of my favorites, if we're talking covers, is “Constant Surprises” by Little Dragon. That song is so fun to sing and play because every instrument is doing something different at the same time, and it's like really fun to play and trust each other that we're going to do it and it's going to sound really cool. So I would say those two songs for sure.
I love that you mentioned your band. I feel like, when the band and the singer are on the same page and vibing out, it's like magic on stage. What are you looking forward to for the rest of the year?
I am most excited to really get into my production bag. I just really want to just kind of take this moment taking things as they come, but also just focusing on the album that's like what we're trying to do this year. I definitely want to have co-production credits. A huge goal of mine this year has been to just hop into different bags musically. And then on a bigger scale, I love everything we're doing but I also know that we could definitely take it a step further, especially after Lolla. I love the ins and outs of the production of everything; tech, audio, all of it. Just like tech audio, like all of it. At Lolla, I really took my time making sure to go backstage for everything I wanted to see and really study what's happening because I really see that for myself and the band at some point. I feel like Lollapalooza just shot me into grind mode. This is what I want to be doing for the rest of my life.
Do you feel like there's been a moment where you're like, I'm on the right path like I should keep doing this, or has it? Or was that kind of lala for you, like that confirmation?
I think House of Blues was. That was our first time being on a stage in a 1300-capacity venue. It was pretty wild. And I think looking out at sound check and realizing this is where we're meant to be. Obviously, we're opening for somebody huge, but the fact that we were being respected as what people's right in that environment made me feel like this is where we're supposed to be, you know? I know that we can really hold our composure in those situations and really just lock in and do what we're supposed to.
We had a lot of technical difficulties that night, and they almost shut off our set. Oh my God. The mics and the audio cut out, Tupni was working sound in the back and I saw this face... and the audio board completely froze, and I couldn't do anything so I just started making jokes with the crowd. And then, we did a random cover that we didn't prepare for that moment and everybody in the crowd was rocking with it. So I was like, “Okay, we're capable of doing things like that and not letting certain situations stop us.” Which is also really nice. So that was probably the moment that I was like, yeah, we're going to be doing this for a while.
Is there anything else that you want to talk about that we didn't talk about or something you want people to know? Any last words?
I have something coming very soon. Okay. I'm excited about it. It's a music video for one of the songs on the EP [...] not going to tell you which one but it's been in the works. I have an awesome team that I'm working with for this video. I'm really excited about it!